Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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