That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
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if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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