well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
