I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
