two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
