We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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