We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
