He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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