He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
