Already got asked if we're dating
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
