Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Please don't give away my fajitas
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
