Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
try to milk me bitch
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