real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I want to make a zoo with you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
