so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
