I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
