you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize