this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
