im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
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So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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