We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
