finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
