i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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