Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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