He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
