she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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