She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
