Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
