You made me cry and you don't even care
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
