You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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