i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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