It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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