I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
