I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
