I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
