After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
