Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
