I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
