i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
