why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
