I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
