Whatcha textin bout Willis?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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