he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this beer tastes like vomit already
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
