There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
