i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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