I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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