just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
