she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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