mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
