Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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