i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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