the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
