it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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