i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
