Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
