You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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