I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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