you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
