We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
