I wish I could teleport
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
