When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
