Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems