So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.