somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad