Whats the glycemic index on semen?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.