why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
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I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.