Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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