i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.