i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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