dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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