why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i will never coherently bang her
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
