One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
