so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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