They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
