remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
