i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
